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Comment on something specific to the profile, to stop the message from feeling too copied and pasted. Oh Phil, take me now The Overtly Sexual Probably my favourite, not because I'm going to respond with anything other than a solid 'no way Grandpa' but because getting drunk with my friends and talking about these messages always results in me laughing so hard I get cramps.

If you send this as an opener I will inevitably give up reading half way through reading it. Advertisement Share or comment on this article: Illiterate, stupid or downright filthy, why ARE men so awful at online dating openers?

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Enjoy the visual You had me at 'a coconut cream biscuits' Self-deprecation is not attractive - back yourself One emoticon per message. Although would have been much improved without the reference to the matching system So that's a quick insight into my inbox.

Weirdly enough, I respond to comments way better than questions. But also don't comment on something too obvious, like 'Oh the picture from New York looks nice, when were you there?

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These strategies tend to be high risk, high reward. Send me a message that shows me you're interested in me as a person, not just looks. And I bet you didn't read it all The Just Right I don't know why these have worked, probably the right combination of tenacity, intelligence, nonchalance, and my mood at that particular moment.

I'm online dating for a reason: Breasts like a cow's udder. I hope you've found this useful, I've definitely laughed a lot while writing it.

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Six top tips for a good opening message 1. The Persistent Do send a follow up message if you haven't heard back, it shows you're actually interested.

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That sort of rhetoric appeals to me. Just what I like in a man I mean, the fact that I really fancied this guy probably helped Most of the time people are asking you the same boring questions, so it's refreshing to just get a statement.

Are crazy messages witty and enticing, or bizarre and desperate? Either way, these guys have got my date.