Dating after a 20 year marriage, life, off script
But I thought it was an important question, which is why I want to analyze it with you. After we had separated 7 weeks I decided to write a letter to my wife telling her my feelings towards her and to make a proposal to try and reconcile our relationship and suggested we meet to talk about this or at least to explain to me what had happened to her love for me if she could not re-kindle her love for me.
Well, it pretty much meant that I got back on JDate, found myself a cool girl a few hours later and was hooking up with her shortly thereafter.
The problem I have is that all during our separation my wife has made no contact with me unless it was to do with the children or the house and then only by text.
I had foolishly thought that a date now and again would enliven my life, would give me something to look forward to, a reason to buy a new blouse, a more active social life.
How long were you married? It's far more important that you eat at the same time, even if one of you has a full-on meal and the other sips tea, even if your kids are making normal conversation, um, elusive.
Go by your feelings, not the calendar
We've been married for 20 years. Does he still want to get back together with you? Had there been food on my teeth? Strive to get to the point where you love even your spouse's faults, because that's what makes her exactly who she is. I sat with the feelings, talked them out with friends, meditated, and decided that the dating experience was here primarily to teach me about myself.
I was old enough, experienced enough, and happy enough on my own to not take any of it too seriously. Find couples who are happy and pump them for info. When marriages fail people often spend their time looking for alternative explanations because the simplest explanation is too painful to acknowledge.
To me, it was the equivalent of being fired from a job. Remember that a strong, close, and mutually supportive marriage is the best thing you can do for your kids.
But I still felt off-balance. Are you being fair to your ex? Take their therapy money and use it for your vacation. So what did that mean for me?
I felt like an adult.
I checked email regularly, looked at my Facebook page, hunted for texts that might have somehow been overlooked. And how, please God someone tell me how, was I to be free of it?
It's important to experience the emotions associated with divorce. I separated from my husband of 25 years a few months ago. When in doubt, I will remind myself of my assets.